God and Algebra

God is like an Algebra problem. Why would He only give you the answer when He can show you His work? The details are amazing!

Proverbs 25:2
It is the glory of God to conceal things,
but the glory of kings is to search things out.

Praise like Fireworks

I was reading a passage in Psalms that says “Praise awaits you”. I started to imagine a surprise party for God where there were hundreds, thousands of packages waiting for Him, all filled with praises. We're all waiting with whispers and giggles of anticipation until He finally walks in the room. The lights come on and we yell, “Surprise! . . . Hooray . . . We love you Jesus.” I would love to throw that party for my Lord. Of course, the problem is – how do you surprise an all knowing God who is everywhere?

So, I began pondering a worthy alternative. This led to some interesting thoughts because I kept wanting there to be a surprise element. I kept trying to work it in only to repeatedly disappointment myself realizing AGAIN that surprising God is never going to happen. That ridiculous stream of thought made me think that God is probably just as delighted in my efforts to surprise Him, I probably made him laugh – out loud. Or, I made Him roll His eyes, toss His hands up and wonder if I really did miss the day He was handing out common sense.

I have concluded (although there is still a small, stubborn little man in my head trying to figure out how to surprise God) that God is simply delighted in my praise. Especially, (in my opinion) praise that is waiting for Him. The praises that spill out of my mouth, the praise that jumps in my heart when I hear His name spoken or read His words. The praise that effortlessly makes it self known because it remembers what God has done, and the praise that stands in a gate like horse in a race because of what He is going to do; Praises awaiting Him.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe He loves all our praises; including the ones that we have to work up. The ones that we have to choose to make happen; He loves to be chosen. He loves our praises. It makes his day. It may not surprise Him, but maybe He grabs a bowl of popcorn and glass of coke, takes the best seat in the heavens and says “Let the praises begin!” And then watches as his children send up praises like fire works. I’ll trade in my surprise party for a pyrotechnic extravaganza. I can kind of hear Him saying, “Adrienne, you out did yourself with that one.” (I know, there are a lot human qualities in that statement . . . but I am what I am, my brain is sooo small.)

As human as it may be, I want to send praises up like fireworks, and I hope that they grab the attention of the world in their flight. I pray that they display the goodness of God in such a way that people will say, “Ooooooo . . . Ahhhhh . . . tell me more!” Honestly, most of mine are probably duds or maybe sparklers, at best bottle rockets. He deserves more.

Jesus, when you search my heart I want you to find praise awaiting you. Please change my heart.

I Want

Dear Jesus,

I want a Mac laptop with lots of storage space for music and art. I would like an iphone just because I think it’s cool that you can have a phone and mp3 player all in one . . . plus the internet.
I would also like a new keyboard – specifically one from the Yamaha C-30 series (I’ll let you decide which one). In addition, it would be nice to have a large sum of money reserved for recording. In case you are looking for a deal – if you give me the mac and new keyboard then the cost of recording goes significantly down. FYI.
I could also do with a sum of money that would pay off the huge radiation/medical bill that we are slowly chipping away at. And, since you allowed for the tumor that needed to be treated, I think that is a pretty fair request.
I want a home, one that is all my own and that I only have to share if I choose to do so. I would like for it to be in Hoover so Winter can stay at Berry. And, it would be really great if there were newer cars to park in the garages of that home.

I think that does it for now, except, all that I really want is you and what you have for me. What’s a new home if you’re not in it. I would drive an El Camino for the rest of my life if it meant more of you. Even though my flesh cries out for the unnecessary, my heart cries out for my shepherd – I shall not want. You aren’t looking for the deal, you’re looking to lavishly pour out on me and satisfy in the way that only you can and do because you know it is better. I want my flesh to scream out for you as loud as my heart does.

You be the provider. I trust your taste, timing, detailing, restraint, pace, silence, and your goodness. Yeah, your goodness that I can’t comprehend but have tasted and seen. Because, the things of the earth become strangely dim in the light of you.

And so I say to you today (I’ll probably need to be reminded of it) that if it doesn’t advance your Kingdom, if it doesn’t bring more of you, I don’t want it.

Making You Known

I want the world, starting with this nation, to know that You are good. If they understood that You are good, if they knew your goodness surely they would believe and trust in your ways! Father, let your goodness be revealed. Teach me to speak of your goodness all day long – making you known. Expose the deception and perversion of the enemy, the Father of lies. Use my mouth, God. May your word be in my mouth – one edge exposing the enemy and the other edge revealing your goodness. How much longer do I have to make you known on earth?

Transitions

It’s surprising how many times I finally figure out something only to find that God, in his sovereignty, had already taught it and/or displayed it through his creation. On one hand at least I know I’m headed in the right direction, but on the other hand – hello – how much time was wasted? Just as I sat down to write out some learned thoughts about transitions, I thought about how as summer changes to autumn most leaves detached and fall to the ground – Transition 101. However, if for no other reason than self gratification I believe I will still share my hard earned findings about change.

I’ve wrestled with the latest transition in my life for about a year now, maybe longer. It’s been surprising how much of struggle it has been to just let go. One reason is because I’m transitioning out of a serving position that I’ve been in for a long time and into something else. The detachment process has fluctuated between me wanting to grab scissors and cut myself off to hanging on with all the strength a pinky finger can muster. I know right now that with the next gust of wind I will be fully removed from this tree, a place of safety, this place that has nurtured me, given me a place to grow and a place to shine for many years.

The transition has been detectable all this time as I have been changing like the leaves change colors before they detach from their home and go wherever they may. I can’t help but wonder if a leaf searches for a new place to attach itself after it leaves a tree. Or, is it happy to land on the windshields of cars, create multi-colored quilts in people’s lawns, clog up gutters and pool cleaners, or be piled together for the running child to jump on. I can’t be certain of the mindset of a leaf, but as for me it’s tempting to cry out for something to attach to.

Our lives are full of transitions, full of attachments to detachments. From the breast to a bottle, bottle to a spoon, diapers to toilets, parents to spouses, high-school to college, college to jobs, children to grandchildren, etc. . . and eventually life to death. Perhaps, my reluctance to let go is because I can’t see the next place to attach. I only have a faint prophetic sense of what is to come after the detachment from a beloved tree.

I am only sure of the nearness of my Creator orchestrating a movement that will speak of his goodness and faithfulness.

great act of trust

I’ve been reading Brennan Manning’s book titled the Furious Longing of God. It’s premise is that we, humanity, are God’s furious longing. One of the chapter’s focus is about the relationship between Jesus and, as Manning writes, His Abba (God the Father). In the middle of this chapter I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made my greatest act of trust in Abba yet.

Manning spends some time reflecting on Jesus’ time in the garden of Gethsemane. He writes,

“At that moment, Jesus breaks into spontaneous prayer. And guess what the first word is, the very first word that arises pre-reflectively from Jesus’ heart and mind? Abba. “Abba, if it’s possible, let this cup of pain pass me by. But let it be done Your way, not mine.” Jesus surrenders in trusting, obedient love to His Abba, and rises from the ground . . . completely one with the Father: atonement—at- one-ment in the furious love God.”

“The death of Jesus Christ on the cross is His greatest single act of unwavering trust in His Abba’s love. He plunged into the darkness of death, not fully knowing what awaited Him, confident that somehow, some way, His Abba would vindicate Him.”

I am only 34, but I have made some decisions in the past 14 years that were extremely hard and could only be made because I was completely secure in God’s love for me. Decisions that made a declaration (if only to myself) that I trust God and believe His way is better than anything I could scrounge up.

It’s because of those decisions and God’s incredible redemption in my small life and circumstances that I am presently in an incredible time of trust in God. Perhaps naively, I can’t imagine not trusting him with anything right now. I fervently pray that I remain in this place because I know that life on earth keeps trucking along. And, life within God keeps moving and growing, filled with opportunities to “let it be done (His) way, not mine.” One example that comes to mind is the fact that my son starts middle school this year – yikes!

Back to my original wonderment: I wonder if I have made my greatest act of trust in Abba yet? Was it one of those earlier painful decisions? And now I will be able to trust God no matter what – even if it doesn’t come with greatest of ease? Or is there a grater act of trust waiting for me to rest in God’s love?

I actually don’t want to know the answer. I’m not writing all this for an answer or to create a debate on the issue.

I think I’m writing this to say that I have no idea. But, with every decision I do make to trust God and His furious love for me . . . I feel like I’m building my house on a rock instead of sand. Both great and small decisions: grocery bills, middle-school, marriage, etc . . .

Small Thought

It's weird when your closest friends don't value something as much as you do. It's not wrong or bad or even something to get offended over, it's just odd.

I've experienced this a little too much over the past month. It makes me want to crawl in a hole. BUT, being who I am, it also makes me want to go sit with God a little longer and ask Him about these things that I value soooo much. Are they worth value? Do You (God) value them? If so, How do I share their value? What am I supposed to do with it?

What an interesting, irritating, impossible, invigorating month!