I Want

Dear Jesus,

I want a Mac laptop with lots of storage space for music and art. I would like an iphone just because I think it’s cool that you can have a phone and mp3 player all in one . . . plus the internet.
I would also like a new keyboard – specifically one from the Yamaha C-30 series (I’ll let you decide which one). In addition, it would be nice to have a large sum of money reserved for recording. In case you are looking for a deal – if you give me the mac and new keyboard then the cost of recording goes significantly down. FYI.
I could also do with a sum of money that would pay off the huge radiation/medical bill that we are slowly chipping away at. And, since you allowed for the tumor that needed to be treated, I think that is a pretty fair request.
I want a home, one that is all my own and that I only have to share if I choose to do so. I would like for it to be in Hoover so Winter can stay at Berry. And, it would be really great if there were newer cars to park in the garages of that home.

I think that does it for now, except, all that I really want is you and what you have for me. What’s a new home if you’re not in it. I would drive an El Camino for the rest of my life if it meant more of you. Even though my flesh cries out for the unnecessary, my heart cries out for my shepherd – I shall not want. You aren’t looking for the deal, you’re looking to lavishly pour out on me and satisfy in the way that only you can and do because you know it is better. I want my flesh to scream out for you as loud as my heart does.

You be the provider. I trust your taste, timing, detailing, restraint, pace, silence, and your goodness. Yeah, your goodness that I can’t comprehend but have tasted and seen. Because, the things of the earth become strangely dim in the light of you.

And so I say to you today (I’ll probably need to be reminded of it) that if it doesn’t advance your Kingdom, if it doesn’t bring more of you, I don’t want it.

Making You Known

I want the world, starting with this nation, to know that You are good. If they understood that You are good, if they knew your goodness surely they would believe and trust in your ways! Father, let your goodness be revealed. Teach me to speak of your goodness all day long – making you known. Expose the deception and perversion of the enemy, the Father of lies. Use my mouth, God. May your word be in my mouth – one edge exposing the enemy and the other edge revealing your goodness. How much longer do I have to make you known on earth?

Transitions

It’s surprising how many times I finally figure out something only to find that God, in his sovereignty, had already taught it and/or displayed it through his creation. On one hand at least I know I’m headed in the right direction, but on the other hand – hello – how much time was wasted? Just as I sat down to write out some learned thoughts about transitions, I thought about how as summer changes to autumn most leaves detached and fall to the ground – Transition 101. However, if for no other reason than self gratification I believe I will still share my hard earned findings about change.

I’ve wrestled with the latest transition in my life for about a year now, maybe longer. It’s been surprising how much of struggle it has been to just let go. One reason is because I’m transitioning out of a serving position that I’ve been in for a long time and into something else. The detachment process has fluctuated between me wanting to grab scissors and cut myself off to hanging on with all the strength a pinky finger can muster. I know right now that with the next gust of wind I will be fully removed from this tree, a place of safety, this place that has nurtured me, given me a place to grow and a place to shine for many years.

The transition has been detectable all this time as I have been changing like the leaves change colors before they detach from their home and go wherever they may. I can’t help but wonder if a leaf searches for a new place to attach itself after it leaves a tree. Or, is it happy to land on the windshields of cars, create multi-colored quilts in people’s lawns, clog up gutters and pool cleaners, or be piled together for the running child to jump on. I can’t be certain of the mindset of a leaf, but as for me it’s tempting to cry out for something to attach to.

Our lives are full of transitions, full of attachments to detachments. From the breast to a bottle, bottle to a spoon, diapers to toilets, parents to spouses, high-school to college, college to jobs, children to grandchildren, etc. . . and eventually life to death. Perhaps, my reluctance to let go is because I can’t see the next place to attach. I only have a faint prophetic sense of what is to come after the detachment from a beloved tree.

I am only sure of the nearness of my Creator orchestrating a movement that will speak of his goodness and faithfulness.

great act of trust

I’ve been reading Brennan Manning’s book titled the Furious Longing of God. It’s premise is that we, humanity, are God’s furious longing. One of the chapter’s focus is about the relationship between Jesus and, as Manning writes, His Abba (God the Father). In the middle of this chapter I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made my greatest act of trust in Abba yet.

Manning spends some time reflecting on Jesus’ time in the garden of Gethsemane. He writes,

“At that moment, Jesus breaks into spontaneous prayer. And guess what the first word is, the very first word that arises pre-reflectively from Jesus’ heart and mind? Abba. “Abba, if it’s possible, let this cup of pain pass me by. But let it be done Your way, not mine.” Jesus surrenders in trusting, obedient love to His Abba, and rises from the ground . . . completely one with the Father: atonement—at- one-ment in the furious love God.”

“The death of Jesus Christ on the cross is His greatest single act of unwavering trust in His Abba’s love. He plunged into the darkness of death, not fully knowing what awaited Him, confident that somehow, some way, His Abba would vindicate Him.”

I am only 34, but I have made some decisions in the past 14 years that were extremely hard and could only be made because I was completely secure in God’s love for me. Decisions that made a declaration (if only to myself) that I trust God and believe His way is better than anything I could scrounge up.

It’s because of those decisions and God’s incredible redemption in my small life and circumstances that I am presently in an incredible time of trust in God. Perhaps naively, I can’t imagine not trusting him with anything right now. I fervently pray that I remain in this place because I know that life on earth keeps trucking along. And, life within God keeps moving and growing, filled with opportunities to “let it be done (His) way, not mine.” One example that comes to mind is the fact that my son starts middle school this year – yikes!

Back to my original wonderment: I wonder if I have made my greatest act of trust in Abba yet? Was it one of those earlier painful decisions? And now I will be able to trust God no matter what – even if it doesn’t come with greatest of ease? Or is there a grater act of trust waiting for me to rest in God’s love?

I actually don’t want to know the answer. I’m not writing all this for an answer or to create a debate on the issue.

I think I’m writing this to say that I have no idea. But, with every decision I do make to trust God and His furious love for me . . . I feel like I’m building my house on a rock instead of sand. Both great and small decisions: grocery bills, middle-school, marriage, etc . . .

Small Thought

It's weird when your closest friends don't value something as much as you do. It's not wrong or bad or even something to get offended over, it's just odd.

I've experienced this a little too much over the past month. It makes me want to crawl in a hole. BUT, being who I am, it also makes me want to go sit with God a little longer and ask Him about these things that I value soooo much. Are they worth value? Do You (God) value them? If so, How do I share their value? What am I supposed to do with it?

What an interesting, irritating, impossible, invigorating month!

Searching the Heart of God

In recent days, even months, there have been numerous prophetic words from the Body of Christ about famine, terror, fires, etc…here in the USA. Some of these words are literally frightening. The wrath of God is frightening! I am currently searching the Heart of God concerning these words and even the prophecies that *science is making because I am longing to fear the Lord. I want to be smart, alert and prepared, but I don’t want to walk in fear for fear’s sake. My heart’s desire is to walk in the fear of the Lord.

I’ve been listening to people around me comment of these prophetic words (from the church and science), and what I have heard is disheartening to say to the least. I have heard people discount these words because of the messenger. I have heard people discount these words because they simply don’t believe that the end of the world is possible. I have heard people discount these words because it doesn’t line up with their theology. Yet, I haven’t heard one person discount these words because they are hearing God say something different. I got to tell you, that makes me incredibly sad.

Honestly, there are modern prophets that I would place money on (if I did that sort of thing) and there are prophets that I am highly skeptical of. However, with out puffing myself up, I can’t discount them on those reasons. Sometimes I have to imagine myself as an Israelite listening to Moses and his speech impediment delivering the word of God. I can’t help but wonder if I would discount him because he wasn’t eloquent? What an awful reason. And what if I didn’t like the way Jonah looked? Or the way Isaiah seemed to be Holy than thou? Or the way Elijah and John the Baptist dressed? Would I really discount the Word of God based on my personal preferences of hygiene and life style?

I am all for exposing false prophecies and false prophets. I am more for hearing and following the Word of God. And for whatever reason, God continues to use humans to deliver his word…faults and all. The sadness and cry of my heart today is that the Body of Christ is not so vain that they would close their ears to the love of God (which is why He sends His word!) based on their opinion, aesthetics of man or mere ear candy.

Please, please, please take all these words and your opinions before God. Lay them out and ask God to show you His heart. Ask Him to show you His heart for this nation, for your city, and for you family during these uncertain times. He is Faithful and True!


(* Science predicts the end of the world or a great extinction in the year 2012. The predictions are based on the aligning of the planets, which has never occurred. In addition to this, there is the Mayan calendar...it only goes through the year 2012. Whether, you believe any of it or not, both subjects are an interesting read.)

Gum

I’m curious to know if anyone would sign a petition that would ban the public act of chewing gum? The new law would allow for gum in the privacy of your home, car and even behind the closed doors of your office. However, as soon as you were around people, the gum would have to go.

It may seem a bit extreme and, perhaps, petty, but hear my arguments before you discount it.

First, the public act of chewing gum leads to used gum being stuck to public areas of shared use. For instance, have you ever unintentionally felt the gum that has been stuck underneath tables, desks and chairs; or worse, have you ever stepped in gum that was thrown on the ground as if the ground were a huge trash bin? In addition, what about the unfortunate incidents of chewed gum getting stuck in somebody’s hair? My new law would prohibit this from ever happening again.

My next reasoning is truly an act of kindness. Have you ever watched people chewing gum? Whether you chew gum with your mouth closed or open, it’s truly an animalistic sight. Anyone who is chewing gum looks like a cow. There are no exceptions! So, out of the concern in my heart for the aesthetics of the human race…chewing gum should be limited to a private act.

Lastly, I argue the more selfish issue of smacking. The public act of chewing gum leads to the distracting and often intolerable noise of smacking and popping. In church, the smacking distracts us from the word of God. In school, it distracts us from learning. In court, smacking distracts us from finding the truth. At a baseball game, the noise draws my attention away from my kid who just hit his first homerun of the season. Now I ask you, what’s more important truth or fresh breath? The noise of smacking or popping gum to my ears is just as awful as the smell of cigarette smoke to my nose. It might not be as deadly, but it is just as maddening. (I know I’m not the only one!) The ban on chewing gum in a public setting would preserve sanity.

If we are honest, mints work to the same affect as chewing gum. It doesn’t take that long to freshen your breath, and it doesn’t matter how long you chew a piece of gum its flavor is gone after 5 minutes. Also, if we’re honest, if you have an oral fixation and think you need gum, then perhaps your time and money would be better spent in a counseling session. I’m just throwing that out there.

You have now been graced with the hard facts of the menacing truths of chewing gum publicly. My fellow Americans, will you do the right thing and sign such a petition?