Holy Spirit

I don't know a lot about David Wilkerson. I'm most familiar with his book The Cross and the Switch Blade and his church Time Square Church in New York. I could not tell you the ins and out of his theology, church philosophy, mission statement ... nothing. Today might actually be the first time I saw what he looked like and heard his voice.

All I know at this point is this video clip changed my day, and I hope the sincerity and sobernesses of it changes my life.

I'm not posting this to make a statement about my beliefs regarding manifestations. Rather, the way Wilkerson talks about the Holy Spirit. I want to know the Holy Spirit and the Truth He is leading us in more. Jesus called Him the Helper. I don't know about you, but I can use all the help I can get.

Click to view David Wilkerson on Weird Manifestations

Some scripture to consider:

Psalm 43:3; John 16:7-15 ... among others

Sloppy Wet Kiss

I’ve been keeping up with the shootings at Chardon High School in Ohio. A little untypical of me to follow a story so closely, but I have been really drawn to it. Today as the young, alleged, seventeen year old shooter had his first hearing, I learned that the family surrounding him was two aunts and a grandfather. No father, no mother. I said to myself and maybe to God, “... another fatherless kid.” My heart started to break, not just for TJ Lane (alleged shooter) but for all the fatherless kids who I know and are lost in some manner. To be honest my thoughts went straight to the Church. There are so many scriptures about justice for the widows and fatherless. I have a desire deep in my heart for the church to be victorious in the now. I know there is a day coming when we will reign victoriously with Christ, but I don’t believe that excuses us from being victorious right now. I believe that every time a Christian adopts a baby, saves a baby and mother from abortion, mentors, takes care of a widow, needy and poor that we are victorious in the now. Likewise, I believe for every TJ Lane we should evaluate what we are doing as a church and what we are missing. I know it seems impossible to fight for every fatherless child, but it’s still a desire breaking my heart.

There is a song called How He Loves written by John Mark McMillan a few years ago. I’ve heard several arguments over this song, some for some against. The latest one I heard, a couple of days before the Chardon shootings, involved someone saying they never wanted to sing the words, “...sloppy wet kiss again.” In the same conversation the song was referred to as a “bedroom” song. That analogy is from likening the Sunday morning church service to having company over at your house. You spend most your time in a living room or kitchen where it is comfortable, not hanging out in the intimacy of a bedroom. Please understand that I understand the analogy and the argument behind the analogy. As the phrase “bedroom song” rang in my ears, my heart disagreed. It’s a living room, around the kitchen table, outside in the backyard, in the mall, at the zoo and any where else that the opportunity rises for a father to lavish his love on his children type of song. My heart hurt a little, and I asked God to help me lead worship in such a way that His love, the Father’s love, is revealed. For every argument I’ve heard against that song, those lyrics to be exact, I’ve heard two on the other side of the spectrum where people learn of the love of God in a whole new way after hearing and singing and worship with the song.

As I was processing what I was learning today about TJ Lane I was overwhelmed with compassion for him. I cried out mercy over him. To be honest, I was willing to dismiss it as emotionalism, after all my son will be in high school next year. The thought of homeschooling even crossed my mind. Yep, right up to the point when I heard God, the Father, say, “he (TJ) was in need of a sloppy wet kiss.” I had not connected the two yet. As I was driving and crying everything slowed down as I did connect the two: Asking the Lord for a revelation of the Father’s love and Him responding by using these shootings.

In my circles there is disunity in the church over what songs should be sung on Sunday mornings, when does worship become too expressive, new churches starting and why, new church formats and why, and who prophesied what. And though those things hold importance, I regret the amount of time I’ve personally wasted arguing over Sunday morning services, it’s two hours of an entire week. I regret every opportunity I’ve missed to reveal the great, big, messy, unfailing, unchanging, doesn’t care what room of the house you are in love of God. I mean, what are we doing? I'd rather be the hands and feet of God's sloppy wet kiss to every and any fatherless, needy child (young or old) that crosses my path.

(In case you can’t tell, I’m having another Pop-Eye moment. See Bill Hybels’ book Holy Discontent.)

Perhaps, if we are going to sing songs that have the words “...here I raise my ebenezer...” then it’s not that big of deal to walk across the spectrum and sing the words “heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss...” This post isn't really about the song or the lyrics or when and where it should be sung. It's about how far will we go to make sure people are hearing about the Father's love.

Father God, would you send someone who knows you and your love to TJ Lane and change his life with a big kiss from heaven. And would you open my eyes and heart to fatherless and needy all around me. I’m not satisfied with only singing about you.

The Life I Now Live

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

I love this scripture. I have prayed it for my life. Although I see evidence of it, I’m aware of the greater fulfillment still to come. It’s been popping up in my spirit for the past couple of weeks, and as a way to acknowledge the Lord speaking I usually reply, “Yes, Lord, my life is yours.” But, this morning the LORD showed something to me that became salve to a hurting place.

Recently a friend of mine and his family moved away to a new city with a new job. I was not able to properly process their move because of family circumstances, really the last month they were here I totally missed. I’m not complaining about my family, I have learned more about love since December 29 than some people allow themselves to learn over a whole lifetime. It’s just now that I’m coming out of the rubble (so to speak) my friends have moved, I barely got to say goodbye and I am having to adjust. On top that, he moved to a city that harbors (pun totally intended) a heart full of some other friends of mine. In 2003 or 2004 a group of friends and fellow ministers moved to Ft. Lauderdale, FL and started a church called The Harbour. There was a big question whether I was going to move to, but the LORD said, “No.”

I feel real sorrow and hurt over it, surprisingly so. My analytical mind has broken it down into 75% sorrow from my friends moving and 25% of hatred towards Ft.Lauderdale. That’s not true, I don’t hate the city. I believe it is more of the feeling I’m missing out on something. The questions roll in like a flood, “When is it my turn?” “Am I being punished?” “What did I do wrong?” They’re all lies and only exist to distract from what the plans of the LORD are. But when there is a hurt, they try to get in and fester and infect.

So, this morning I was feeling this sorrow and I said to the LORD, “Heal my heart.” I immediately thought of Galatians 2:20. For me, that was call to grab my Bible and sit down at the piano. I began to sing this verse over and over. It became a salve to my hurting heart. At first I didn’t understand why, it’s not the most comforting scripture. It does contain the word crucify. After a few times of singing through it I weaved in, “...not my will, but yours be done” from Luke 22. I began to realize that it is obedience to whatever the LORD is asking that is not only life, but it is what heals the wounds that vain imaginations, selfish ambition, dreaming without God can leave behind. It even soothes the sorrow when you miss a friend who you know is walking in obedience to the LORD. I can rejoice with all of my friends in Ft. Lauderdale. I can rejoice where I am because I am exactly where God has led me. Wherever He leads is life for us.

(Here's a simple recording of the song that came this morning LIFE I LIVE, click to listen.)

In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus felt sorrow and asked to be delivered from it. However, his prayer was not his will be done, but the Father’s will. Hebrews tells us that Jesus sympathizes with us. Granted, missing my friends isn’t quite the same as taking on the sin of the world, but He understands my hurt and has given me salve to soothes it. Obedience = the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God who loves me and gave himself for me. Not only does it soothe, but heals and restores the hurt back to strength so we can carry on. God’s yoke and burden only hurts us if we are fighting against it. He promises that it is light and easy. Mt 11:28-30

Under A Rest

Sometime in November I started working on a song about being covered under the wings of God (Ps.91). Actually, I had been collecting lines and thoughts for over a year for the song, November just happened to be the time to add some music. On December 11 Jonathan and I found out that he would be undergoing chemotherapy for his brain tumor. We started gearing up for an ambiguous year. A few days later my mom sends me a punny cartoon (to the right). The symbol over the stick figure’s head in the cartoon is called a quarter rest. If you’re reading music and this symbol comes along then you would rest, stop playing or singing, for one beat. Do you get it now, under a rest? Hahahaha,

I love everything about it. It’s a pun, it involves music and due to our current circumstances, the song and another prophetic word I understood exactly what it meant. Little did I know that a couple of weeks later I would understand it all a little more.

Jonathan had a week long seizure event that we are just now bouncing back from. For two weeks I was literally at a stand still. He was four hours away from home when he first started having seizures and I had to wait for him to arrive in Birmingham by ambulance. My plan was to tidy up, pack a hospital bag and take a nap while I waited. However, I found myself at my keyboard singing the newly pieced together song to the LORD. Something about the melody was not only comforting, but strengthening.

One of the lines of the song says, “I will stay here, I will rest here underneath your wings it’s where I want to be.” I want to live and thrive and survive. Jesus gave His life so I could LIVE. But, I’m only doing it from the protection of God’s wing, the shelter of the Most High.Tucked in close enough to hear his heart beat and the feel him breathing, and close enough to hear Him whisper the secrets I need to know. My friend Beth Taylor describes a time of her life as being put in the inside pocket of a man’s coat; dark solitary, but right next to the heart. I want to be everything God created me to be, but I’m only going under the protection of His covering. No matter what the details of life are, if we’re under His wing it will be a place of rest. Let Him navigate through the treacherous circumstances. Let him soar and take you to places you would have never found on your own.

Here’s a simple recording of the song: Where I Want to Be

I Hear You

All in a day

Wednesday, January 18

7:30am - Read Psalms for the day starting with Ps.18

It was only the first line of the Psalm, “I love you, O LORD, my strength,” and I was instantaneously engaged with God. I read it again and agreed out loud that Yahweh was my only strength. Continuing, my heart and mind gained assurance as I read that He is my rock, refuge, stronghold, shield. My mouth blurted out praise because He - Is - Worthy and I - Am - Saved!

Like a lasso the next verses pulled me in a little closer as they described death surrounding, entangling and terrifying the servant of the LORD. And then, as If I were face to face with Abba, his breath changed my fears from rocks to dust. “I hear you,” he said as I read David’s revelation, “In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he head my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.” (vs.6) “I hear you!” He said, and I replied, “I hear You, Father.”

As if those few minutes weren’t enough oil to anticipate the Bridegroom for the duration of the day, I kept reading. The rest of Psalm 18 is a description of how God responds when the enemy is surrounding His children. He uses the earth as his weapon to scatter the assault. He sends out from on high to draw us away from what is too mighty for us. The Psalm keeps going further into the riches of God, and how He deals with us according to our righteousness. We can run against a troop, leap over a wall, He gives us His shield of salvation ... all because He hears.

8:00am - Read Romans chapter 3

Hmmm, I’m still reading and meditating on Psalm 18. Fighting my task oriented DNA that is yelling at me to move on and finish my list. My rebellious side has never come more in handy as I stubbornly tell my list to shove it, I’ll do whatever I want to. Ahhhh, a few more minutes with this heavenly moment that is changing something deep inside of me.

8:15am - Interruption

The few extra minutes with the Father and Ps.18 were totally worth it as the opportunity to be a Proverbs 31 women rings loud.

(The details of the next few hours are a total blur.)

3:00pm - Start Beef Stew and watch a movie with hubs

The movie Amelia, about Amelia Earhart life and final flight, has the most terrifying scene I have ever witnessed. Freddy Krueger, Alfred’s Hitchcock’s The Birds, Blair Witch Project, Chris Angel ... candy compared to what I felt during the last ten minutes of Amelia.

Her flight around the world was coming to end. Only two more stops to go, Hawaii and Ohio. She had accomplished so much as pilot and as a woman. As she approached the Howland Island there were complications with communication between her and the Coast Guard station there. The movie depicted that the radar’s battery was dead that could have determined her location and the Morris Code transmitter was left behind with other things to make the plane lighter. All they had was a radio transmitter. The ever-long scene told the story that the Coast Guard could hear her vocal transmissions, but that Amelia could not hear the Coast Guard. The scene went back and forth between the plane and the Coast Guard. It was frustrating to watch ... it was ever - long! There was one brief second when she was able to hear the signal, but it was gone as fast it came. The realization began to settle in with both parties that Amelia and her flying companion were going to be lost and die if the radio signals continued to be incomplete, she was low on fuel. As we know, she never landed. Her plane was lost and never found.

At some point during the intense scene I heard the Father say again, “I hear you!” And I remembered that earlier that morning I replied, “I hear You, Father.”

It is not enough for us to only rely on the unchangeable, constant truth that our cries to Him reach Him (Ps.18:6). We have to position ourselves in a manner to hear the Lord speaking to us. We will not survive with a one way conversation. We will be lost with no hope.

(I was haunted for the rest of the day, still am with this realization ... details also blurry.)

6:30pm - Go to church

Fighting the urge just to sit in my car while my son is in youth. This time I told my rebellious to can it and joined my brothers and sisters inside the warm building. As a church right now we are studying the Holy Spirit. The teaching that night was on the Old Testament Prophecy.

There was a lot said, but what I remember the most was this question and answer: How did the OT prophets receive messages from God? Sometimes and dreams and visions, sometimes angelic visitation, but the majority of the time the heard the word of the Lord.

Why is there prophecy? So God’s children would know what to do, know His heart, know His plans, keep covenant.

LORD, help us rest and gain strength from the promise that You hear us, and help us walk in the truth that we have to hear You to live!

Betters Into Worse

It was designed to begin and end with purity, an enduring place of firsts between a husband and wife. The first night full of experiment and discovery, the joy and submission of becoming one with someone else, should set a standard for the marriage instead of memory. As the two intertwine and life plays its hand the marriage bed will be a place of inside jokes, intimate secrets, tears and laughter. Many decisions will be made there, discussions started on opposite sides that end with a roll to the middle. A husband sweeps his bride’s hair back as she lays over the side of the bed nauseated because the fruit of their union is making its presence known in her womb. It won’t be long until the very same fruit runs, jumps, bounces on the same bed where it was created, giggling all the while. The bed will extend its landing again to offer comfort from thunder and big bad dreams because no one’s covers can do a better job of covering than those of a mother and father’s.

Although the bed itself may change, a new mattress every 10 years, a new frame as the times demand, sheets and pillows will come and go, but the spirit of the marriage is kept with the couple. They may grow into a new home. They may downsize to a guest room or visit around the world. They may even take it to a hospital. Although the bed may see its share of repetition, firsts will always have a place between the two. Kids turn into grandkids, and betters into worse.

What once was a place of joy may become a place of pain. What was once health may become sickness, and richer may turn poorer. The same intimate care and discovery they experienced on their wedding night may look differently as one feeds and bathes the other. Bed side tables can pile up with medicine, heating pads, bed pans, Gatorade and more, but with it comes new jokes and secrets to share between the unified two.

A marriage bed begins long before the words “I do” and I suspect that even death can’t really put it to an end. Given the full attention of its occupants, it will grow and grow in love and strength. A picture of the kingdom of heaven. Unity in the betters, unity in the worse. Love holds no record of wrong, it is kind, it isn’t self-seeking, and it does not give up.

Irresistible Kindness

I’ve been reading through the book of Romans. I’m taking it slow, mainly because if I don’t I will miss so much. It’s like a Russian nesting doll, when you open it up there is another doll and then another and another. Anyway, one of the passages that I love and leaves me wondering is Romans 2:4. “...or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”

I remember looking at the scripture when I was studying about humility and pride. Pride will never lead you to repentance, but always lead you to incorrect thinking about God and our relationship with him. That is one of the things Paul is saying in this passage. As I read it this time, nice and slow, I asked God what it meant that His kindness leads to repentance. Like the Russian nesting doll, this scripture might be well appreciated at our first stumbling upon it, but there’s more to it than just the outer shell. So, it never hurts to ask God to what something means, even if you think you know.

A few days later, after a whirlwind of crazy events involving a hospital, few hours of sleep, psychotic reactions to new and numerous medicine, learning new lessons in servant hood, fighting bully personalities, and so much more ... take a deep breath ... I found myself being invaded by the kindness of God.

It looked like a friend of mine wearing a beautiful smile and armed with an embarrassing amount of food. She was supposed to bringing a simple meal to feed my family in a time of need, but what she brought was a picture of the riches of God. A cooler packed with not only the supposed meal, but snacks, and extra groceries, and thoughtfulness. And, as if that wasn’t more than enough, she returned from her car with two more bags of extras, including Heaven’s kiss just for me ... brownies. Ahhhhhhh!

Ahem ... Side note: I am convinced that when we need comforting God says, “Eat some chocolate, that’s why I made it.” No, you can’t abuse it nor can you replace God with it, but let us not forget that He created it and we should be thankful and partake.”

As she unpacked the feast I was surprised and overwhelmed, and heard God say, “This is what my kindness is like.” I felt my protective walls dissolve, the need to be brave slipping away, all my independence was suddenly in need, and my friend was still there with compassion, a hug and prayer. Her kindness was irresistible.

God’s kindness towards us leads us to repentance. He reaches into the depths of everything He is and serves us with one “treat” after another. He keeps them coming engraved with personal details that call us to trust him until we can no longer resist. We repent and run to His love.

Lord, help us not settle for surface knowledge of your riches. Teach us to keep going deeper. Thank you for your irresistible kindness!