I’m not a competitive person. I just don’t understand why everything has to be a competition. Even with my Yankees, of course I want them to win, but if the other team out plays them so be it. I like to see the best from everybody and I love when everybody does their part. However, when it comes to worship leading, I find that my inner competitor shows up ready to win. It baffles me when I find myself feeling gratified or like I’ve won something when I’m chosen to lead worship instead of another person. What is that? Where does it come from? When the opposite has happened, another worship leader is chosen, at times I have felt discouraged. It’s the dumbest thing, ever!
A friend of mine, and fellow worship leader/singer, were talking about how possessive we can become of our positions on stage. “That’s my part, my solo, my mic, my monitor, etc...” Worship leaders (speakers, teachers, preachers, etc...) are not in competition with each other. We are in a battle for truth and, yet, we spend time arguing over styles, preferences, position and titles. Pride will always pick a fight against worship. Worship and worship leading cannot happen except through humility. If pride is being tolerated, then true worship can’t happen. Our services and gatherings will turn into just songs, honoring God with our lips, but with hearts far from him (Is. 29:13).
Similarly, I’m learning not to compare people. The only possible comparison that should be made when it comes to people is are they living up to who they were created to be. No one is the best evangelist, worship leader, teacher, writer, etc... Because we are uniquely made, there are times when it is right for me to be the worship leader because I’m a right fit for the moment. There are more times when I am not the right leader or sound to be released. And, as I’ve learned by experience, when it’s not right for me to be the leader it causes damages or hinders. If we are all created with a purpose, then who decided that there had to be a best, and why have we let in the church?
We do not have time to concern ourselves with questions like, “Am I the best?” There is only one found worthy! Rather, we should be asking ourselves, “Am I doing everything God is asking me to do? Am I in the place where God has led me? Is God promoting me here or have I promoted myself?” I’ve also learned that promoting myself into a position I have not business being in is embarrassing. Not only did I mislead myself, but ended misleading others. Selfish ambition is pride and it is not pure.
I’m reading a book by Arthur Katz titled Apostolic Foundations. The Lord is using this book to teach me more about leadership, and is surfacing a bunch of garbage in my heart. It’s kind of unfair to just drop this quote on you, because Katz is excellent at layering a teaching and I fear you’ll miss the foundation. However, I think it will stand on its own. He talking about the service of priest (Leviticus 8) and the time they have to spend waiting.
“In priestly waiting, every fleshly thing, every human contrivance and device, every desire to perform and win some glory for ourselves, every lazy, fearful tendency to take the easy and cheap way out, will rise to the surface. A mind battle takes place, and thoughts come to mind of the practical things that need to be done and how the time should really be more usefully employed. To patiently, dismiss those thoughts, and bring our minds to a place of rest in God, free from distracting thoughts, does not come readily. Through a process of repeated experiences in waiting, we bring out thoughts into subjection to Christ, so we are not influenced by every stray thought ... When our “doing for God” has vestiges of desire to obtain something for ourselves, then that service is no long priestly. Pure priestly ministry does not bring to the minister anything for himself. It is totally and exclusively unto God...”
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